What the world would be like if apples didn’t exist

Don’t lie and say you haven’t thought to yourself, at least one time or another, “Hmmm….self, what would the world look like if apples didn’t exist?” It’s so relevant that, sometimes, it can even keep people awake at night. However, I didn’t just introduce the question so that we could all continue questioning and wondering but never getting the answers we are looking for (that’s what philosophy is for). I’m going to share my thoughts on what the world would look like if apples didn’t exist.

The Garden.

Not the garden you are attempting and failing at growing right now. The garden as in Adam and Eve eating the fruit, specifically an apple, thus sinning and plunging the world into darkness, garden. Depending on your worldview, this single event in Eden either gives the apple a bad reputation (in your mind) because it was part of the means where the whole world fell into complete chaos, or it is your source of empathy and feeling sorry for the apple [you feel sorry for the apple because it is often not given the credit it “deserves” in Christian (or any Torah-believing) circles].

In both cases, I would argue that we aren’t being fair to the apple. If sin hadn’t occurred through the apple, who’s to say it wouldn’t have happened through a mango, or one of the berries, or bananas? It’s not the apple’s fault that it was clearly the most delicious looking fruit (especially pre-Fall) on theapple-37 tree. And if we feel sorry for the apple, we help feed a lack of dignity and come off as “kind”, but kind with a superiority complex. It’s an apple, for crying out loud. If anything can handle being badly bruised and cut down by unfair slander, it’s the apple.

In conclusion, if apples didn’t exist, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to become self-aware of both our judgmental and our patronizing attitudes.

The Doctor.

You’ve heard the old adage: An apple a day keeps the doctor away. This one is pretty self-explanatory. If apples didn’t exist, we would be way more sick way more often. But hey, at least it would supply jobs to the economy.

The Fortune 500.

If apples didn’t exist, our beloved Apple, Inc. would be something like Orange, Inc., Pear, Inc. or Grapefruit, Inc., and would be way less successful. Apples say, “I’m here to get s*** done. I’m sweet but can lay the hammer down if I need to. I’ve got a tough exterior and interior so I can face whatever challenges come my way.” Oranges say, “You love me initially because you feel like you earned me, but the longer my ‘scent’ hangs around the more distaste you begin to have for me, and the more you will hope I go out of business.” Pears say, “I’m not consistent, and I really don’t know what I want my business to look like. I wouldn’t work with me if I were you.” And finally, grapefruits say, “I am a last-ditch effort to try and do what I want to do, but do it with lower quality. I definitely wouldn’t work with me if I were you.”

Fall (the season, for the event see “The Garden”)

giphy-3Let’s just face it. Fall wouldn’t be fall without apple cider, caramel apples, bobbing for apples, apples to apples, apple butter, apple pie, and apples. Without apples, Fall would simply be “the season before winter,” which means everybody would dread it as much as winter because it only means summer is over and winter is coming for us soon.

So, there you have it. This is how the world would be different if apples didn’t exist. Mystery solved. Rest easy tonight, friends.

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